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With My Hair Tie

October 6, 2017

I struggle to clear my head and I resort to clearing the clutter from my desk, fidget with a pen on a paper, but the ink and keyboard completely and utterly fail me when I seek my expressions. It isn’t until I find my hair tie. The world changes, I feel more vibrant. I feel like I can conquer the world, or at least the task I am trying to accomplish. I feel like I am in charge. Everything changes for me with my hair tie.

Tonight I was searching for a way to explain the joys and heartaches, in a way that feels real to you. I live it every day. I don’t have to do anything special to feel it, but how do I make YOU feel it? I feel like it is more then just a task, it is a calling to teach you, to share with you this journey.

Foster to Adoption: I want to adopt all my tiny humans. I want to keep them, love them, heal them, fix the broken, guide them, encourage them, and fight hard for them. In the same fashion I want to see their parents healthy, happy, stable and able to rear these tiny beings! I applied for foster to adopt so the department would recognize my hope to grow my family, while I heal others. I am excited to help and encourage healing of the biological family, and I will support a family member who wants to adopt, but I also want my tiny humans to stay. If you are not confused yet let me try harder. I want my tiny joys to leave just as much as I want them to stay. This is a hard spot to be in. If you leave I am going to cry, a lot, when you get in the car, the first night without you, every time I find something of yours, and when I see your pictures in my phone. If you stay I will be gleaming for our forever, but I will cry for your mom or dad, brothers or sisters, grandmas and grandpas. I will write them a hundred letters, I may never send them. I will think about them for every holiday and event.

My advice to you if you are reaching towards this endeavor, do not plan on adoption, but don’t be afraid of it either. Be willing to change your plans, throw dinner away, kiss fake owies, beg and plead to tiny humans for a little bit of sleep, all while you find your favorite smiles and learn the truth as seen through their eyes. They will say things that literally bring a light into your life. I am always hopeful to share the last piece of fruit or brownies with my tiny humans! Now this is our life.

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