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Hurt and Hurting

April 5, 2017

Today was a day full of lessons, today my children taught me more then I was prepared to learn. While I was prepared to have a later evening, I was not prepared for the tornado that was to follow.

So let me first tell you, today was not bad. I was blessed with a donation to our home, that will help tremendously in the kitchen department! I am grateful that people ‘see a need, fill a need’, like Robots (the movie) taught us! The offers have poured in, luckily our need is not great, so I encourage you to use the heart of gold you have to find a home for the food and clothing that we haven’t been able to put to use! I would love to help find connections if necessary! Today was actually a pretty good day. I feel better about work and know we have exciting things happening again!

So I was helping one tiny human cope with some pretty big emotions, and as we got ready for bed with small hands wrapped around my neck, I heard a whimper. I laid, the said tiny human, onto the softest pillow a tiny human could have, and asked a big emotion question, “what are you feeling?” Now as my children usually surprise me, this night has been no different. Tonight the whimper exploded into tears, “I am so SAD, my momma don’t leave. I miss you when you leave me there.” Now the where isn’t as important as the emotion, my sweet, precious, tiny human named the emotion! Instead of balling up fist and hitting anything or anyone in the pathway, usually me, we were able to name an EMOTION! Which means we can talk about it, feel it and let it fly away!

Now if you are a parent you know children generally express their emotion in outbursts. With help from various classes and therapy sessions, children and personal, I have learned I was teaching our emotions all wrong! I now work with picking our emotions before the comforting, before the scolding, after the comforting and after the scoldings, and our outburst have gone down at least 65%!! There are other key things we talk about regularly, and I always try to name my own emotions, even when it may be too big! These all play a big role into our daily routine, but have had a huge impact on how we handle ourselves when big emotions come to town and pay us a visit!

Now the other big lesson for the night, homework. While I never pictured the day of fighting about homework would come so quick, I found myself talking with my own mother apologizing for any fight I ever put up with her about school!

I knew what was being expected, I knew it was not completed and we still lied, denied and avoided, until the option was bed or homework, initially bed was the choice and some not nice things were said to me. Two years ago I would have exploded, I would have screamed and yelled and worked my way to my room and LOCKED THE DOOR. Today I felt the emotion I was feeling, and let my empathy take control. The emotion that my counter party was feeling, was just as big as mine, however it is my job as the parent or role model to teach and instruct my tiny humans how to verbalize and release those emotions. So instead of YELLING back ‘I am rubber and you are glue, what ever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.’ I calmly said “I love you and I do not speak to you like that, please do not speak to me like that.” Twice. I hen promptly left the room to give both of us a chance to cool down. So it took us until 11PM to complete it, but guess what, we are done with the homework, and we are happily talking again! Mom if you are reading this, I am still VERY SORRY! I love you!

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One Comment
  1. Monica Shivley permalink

    You are a wonderful role model that all parents can look up to 🙂

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