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83 days..

I find it exceptionally hard to accept that it has been 83 days since my last blog. Bare with me as I tell a tale, gruesome and filled with hurt. It has been 83 days that I have not found the time to express my inner-demons. It has been 83 days I have been fighting someone much bigger then myself. Mr. Anxiety has had his fair share of time mutilating everything that I call life. Making me feel less then complete and certainly not worthy. I have found his darkest corners and I am just beginning to clear the cobwebs of self loathing out. However deep he has found his grip right before our little worlds changed traumatically.

The tales that have been created and thrashed through our lives, however deep they touched or effected my life, they are not my stories to tell. Maybe that is what makes this journey so ever complicated. I cannot just share these darkest parts and bare a clean soul when it jeopardizes the comfort of my dearest friends and loved ones. I cannot take from their stories or journeys or leave the world to devour their aches.

My peace is recognizing I have to speak on my mental health. I have to share my pains and my struggles. I have to make you know that you are not alone, and in this you are not special. Many people have faced these demons and lost, but so many more have faced these demons and won. Share with me. Tell me your pain and maybe, just maybe my light can shine for you. Maybe my prayer can touch your heart. Maybe my willingness to listen will change your narrative and you will choose to stay; Because there is so much worth staying for…


Night Owls Dispatching

I have been honored to own and run a functional business for more then 5 years! That in itself is amazing. Of course none of this would be possible if it hadn’t been for my amazing business partner at Busy Bees Delivery, LLC. Now I am honored to have the opportunity to operate a new business, Night Owl Dispatching. A competitive overnight dispatching service, available to any 24 hour business!

As a mother and foster parent I already know the importance of being able to schedule and rely on people. I value the ability to adjust the plan constantly. As a business owner I understand the constant need for forward growth. I understand the value in finding good workers and services. That is where I have built Night Owls Dispatching. My business is designed to serve your business needs, answering calls and collecting the information valuable to your business, then I dispatch directly to your provider. This allows you to rest and give 100% at work the following day! Even if you are a one woman/man show, If you allow my business to work for you, I can weed out all calls that do not transition into service runs, or obtain all information including payment and then call you to provide the service!

Night Owls Dispatching is unlike any other service and it is available anywhere in the United States! Call today for a quote 405-306-8850



My Village.

It is an incredible journey that I find myself on each and every single day. I have the most joyful and exciting days, followed by days filled with the deepest sorrows, this is my beautiful path. Somewhere, many years ago God chose to expose me to the controlled chaos that was Kaycee Wyoming. That summer my life was completely altered. Now 11 years later I am a controller of chaos myself. My heart and home are full, always. With this comes more struggles then I will ever naively prepare for. These challenges pose threats and my village comes in by storm and takes each challenge by the horns and thorns.

Tonight my village chief is my mom, Rebecca. Tonight when I was in dire need of groceries but with lots of tiny humans, one particularly not feeling well, and the “good” grocery store being a 20 minute drive each way, I asked a sitter to come stay with tiny humans so I could sneak out after bed time and grab the essentials.


Dear Sweet Sitter, I know and fully understand why you canceled and I still love you 110%!


Sitter cancelled at 7:30pm, just late enough I cannot load cranky sick children up into the car and manage an hour long shopping trip without expecting meltdowns… We will resort to mac and cheese and canned chicken before I do that intentionally.. Nonetheless they cancelled and I still needed to shop. My mother came with no hesitation or sound of frustration. She also assisted a few of my tiny humans in chores.. meaning she basically folded 7 baskets worth of clean laundry. SEVEN loads at least. Bless her soul and how she makes my life smoother. Today has been long. I am finally winding down and preparing to do some work when I fully absorb what I am feeling. I am surrounded by the feeling of support. I am not ever drowning, because my village always shows up with a couple tubes and a floating cooler so we can enjoy the ride!

Thank you for all the clean dishes and the folded laundry! This helps more then I can ever express!

The Rosa

I believe for every ONE negative story you have heard about a pit bull, there are 9 more stories that are positive.

Do you care to know why my precious, precarious, water loving, kiss stealing, stupid, sweet, sometimes foolish pit bull lives up to the positive nature of her breed? Rosa is fiercely loyal to her tiny humans. She follows them around, hides under their blankets to provide extra warmth and snuggles, she acts as a pillow for one or more on movie night. She stands by them no matter what- again tonight she proved her loyalty. While my smallest tiny human was whining about not feeling well she was getting closer and closer to him, it was as though she was trying to tell him “I know your tummy hurts baby, I’m here”. He was somewhere between his bedroom and the bathroom when all of the sudden he was uncontrollably vomiting, she was supporting his weight on her neck while he puked all over her shoulder and back, she didn’t flinch, until he was done and she rested her head into his armpit, I began trying to clear the mess I sent her to the tub with him- she stepped in and nuzzled his hand as he stepped in- there they stood fully clothed and covered in puke they took a warm shower together and got them stripped and soaped- lathered in lavender and off to bed. She refuses to leave his room. Lying peacefully at the edge of his bed. As much as they are my babies, they are her babies too. So don’t tell me she is just a dog. She is our family. She is our comfort.

Beautiful Leftovers

This year my turkey looked gorgeous. She had a dark crisp skin and you could even see the meat wanted to fall from the bone. I was excited to put that big bastard on my fancy turkey plate that I got at a dollar store years ago, and snap a flourished amount of photographs of it. That was when she fell apart. Literally in the move from pan to plate bones were slipping and meat was falling, by the time she hit the plate she was wingless, thigh-less, and spineless. Well I have never been the one to rally around the Instagram food movement, so I didn’t let it break my spirit that I wasn’t going get a stellar picture. That thought sunk further in as I was putting all my miss-matched serving dishes into my miss-matched Tupperware. I don’t have a fancy presentation almost ever, but I think our meal turned out fantastic. The turkey was juicy and tender, the potatoes were on point, the eggs were scrumptious and my pies were the perfect conclusion.

Now my fridge is ridiculously full and we have some beautiful leftovers. I love Thanksgiving left overs almost as much as I love my newer traditions, like everyone signs the table cloth! That started last year and the tiny humans were so excited to leave their mark this year! We each got to say what we were thankful for, my tiny humans all shared a piece of them. Then my heart melted when I heard, “this was a good first giving day.” It was a pretty good first giving day to me too!

With My Hair Tie

I struggle to clear my head and I resort to clearing the clutter from my desk, fidget with a pen on a paper, but the ink and keyboard completely and utterly fail me when I seek my expressions. It isn’t until I find my hair tie. The world changes, I feel more vibrant. I feel like I can conquer the world, or at least the task I am trying to accomplish. I feel like I am in charge. Everything changes for me with my hair tie.

Tonight I was searching for a way to explain the joys and heartaches, in a way that feels real to you. I live it every day. I don’t have to do anything special to feel it, but how do I make YOU feel it? I feel like it is more then just a task, it is a calling to teach you, to share with you this journey.

Foster to Adoption: I want to adopt all my tiny humans. I want to keep them, love them, heal them, fix the broken, guide them, encourage them, and fight hard for them. In the same fashion I want to see their parents healthy, happy, stable and able to rear these tiny beings! I applied for foster to adopt so the department would recognize my hope to grow my family, while I heal others. I am excited to help and encourage healing of the biological family, and I will support a family member who wants to adopt, but I also want my tiny humans to stay. If you are not confused yet let me try harder. I want my tiny joys to leave just as much as I want them to stay. This is a hard spot to be in. If you leave I am going to cry, a lot, when you get in the car, the first night without you, every time I find something of yours, and when I see your pictures in my phone. If you stay I will be gleaming for our forever, but I will cry for your mom or dad, brothers or sisters, grandmas and grandpas. I will write them a hundred letters, I may never send them. I will think about them for every holiday and event.

My advice to you if you are reaching towards this endeavor, do not plan on adoption, but don’t be afraid of it either. Be willing to change your plans, throw dinner away, kiss fake owies, beg and plead to tiny humans for a little bit of sleep, all while you find your favorite smiles and learn the truth as seen through their eyes. They will say things that literally bring a light into your life. I am always hopeful to share the last piece of fruit or brownies with my tiny humans! Now this is our life.


It has always felt like an uphill battle and living with anxiety and children make some things harder then others. I have always struggled with feeling like I’m just not good enough at doing things. Here is why this is a HUGE issue for my life; I am an entrepreneur and creator, I am a mother and a writer, and oddly enough I have found my humor as of recently which helps keep things a lot less dark! ALL of these things come with natural failure. Not because you are a failure, but you fail and have to try again.

Writing- my spelling sucks and I type faster then my brain can remember where the keys on the keyboard are-hence I fail at perfection and I use the “delete” and “backspace” keys A LOT!

Motherhood- have you met my kids? No? Okay how can I best describe our day. Chaos. Controlled Chaos. I am constantly forgetting things and places and schedules!

Humor- Not every body thinks I am funny.. maybe funny looking-just not Comedy Central worthy..

Now business is what I really struggle with my failures in- why? The because is yet to be determined. What I can tell you is I had this AMAZING business idea and then it didn’t spark the interests on even just one soul on social media, email or anything! Now I should have shrugged my shoulders and revamped the whole service and tried again- instead I shut down and and became a recluse. My work fell behind and my feelings remained hurt.

That being said-I am back into the swing of things and I am going to make the best out of ugly situations so that I can help our business grow- and maybe just maybe make the job easier for my amazing partner and our teammates!